I may be living in London and having the time of my life here, but to say that my life is perfect would be a stretch.
I, like most people, try to put my best foot forward on a daily basis. My best attitude, my best efforts, and my best image on social media. Also, like most people, that image isn’t necessarily a reflection of everything that’s going on in my life.
You may think that I’ve not got a care in the world by looking at my Instagram profile, but that didn’t stop me from crying on the phone to my mother in Schipol Airport yesterday.
You see, I’m a very sensitive and (sometimes) emotional person. This means that certain situations or things may upset me more than is considered ‘normal’. It can be something as silly as some colleagues poking fun at me for saying that my ideal date would be to get mint chocolate ice cream and walk through the streets of London. Or when some girls that I thought I’d be close friends with really didn’t want to be close with me too.
Situations like those can really drag me down if I’m not conscious or aware enough to confide in someone (usually my Mom or Dad) and talk through it. And even though I ALWAYS feel better after talking to someone when I’m twisted up about something, I STILL am not that great at it.
Why would I want to burden someone with thoughts or feelings that are inadequate or irrational?
Why would I want to risk them then thinking that I AM inadequate or irrational?
I know that my loved ones will, and would, never think those things about me. I know this because I will, and would, never think that way about them!
But the mind is a fickle thing and sometimes, for whatever reason, I am just absolute shit when it comes to voicing how I’m feeling. I like to think that I’ve gotten better about reaching out to people when I need to, but I also know that I still have a lot of room to grow.
Through Blue Eyes is already helping, as evidenced by the fact that I’ve even written this. I’ve already revealed more about myself within the lines of my posts than I ever thought I would.
After all, it IS scary to write something and publish it on the world wide web, where it could literally be read by anyone with an internet connection. The reality may be that not many people will even read this, but that’s irrelevant - it’s still out there for anyone to see!
In a short time Through Blue Eyes has already morphed from just being a travel blog to something a bit deeper; a way for me to improve my own understanding of myself and to write in a way that hopefully rings true with other people as well.
I’m already becoming more vocal (albeit in writing). It feels great, and I’m just getting started.